Sous les cerisiers

April 17, 2017

H&M sweater (similar)
Aritzia skirt (similar)
Steve Madden sandals
Madewell rings
Leah Alexandra earrings
Photos by Anastasia Abramova-Guendel

Shortly before my fourteenth birthday, a group of new friends asked my best friend what my favourite colour was – they wanted to make me a themed gift. My best friend, who clearly did not know me at all (which is another story for another day,) said, “Pink.” I remember when she recounted the story to me afterwards, in front of a group of our classmates, hopeful for my approval. “I said pink. It is pink, right? …Right?” I didn’t really know my favourite colour for certain – my love of black hadn’t fully developed yet back then – but I knew that if my friends had asked me the same thing, pink would not have been the first answer that came to mind. But with everyone watching, I felt, in the way only a fourteen-year-old can, that I would somehow be letting her down by not professing love for the colour she thought was my favourite, so I agreed, yes, pink was my favourite colour. From that moment on, I became the girl who wore pink. That strangely awkward moment when I should have just said a simple, monosyllabic, “No,” led to four years of over-compensation. I wore pink pants, carried pink purses and insisted my parents carpet my room in a shade of blush. At one point, my boyfriend evened dyed his hair pink…! Shortly after high school ended, I gave up the colour entirely and, thereafter, the best friend, too. On a very personal level, the colour represented giving in to the expectations of others rather than asserting my independence, and I wanted nothing to do with it. A decade, and a lot of personal growth later, I find myself reconsidering my thoughts about pink. The truth is, it was never my favourite colour, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fall for a beautiful shade of blush (or that I can’t unashamedly hunt down every cherry blossom in the general vicinity of Paris, which is exactly what I have done this season; full credit to Anastasia for inviting me to shoot with her in this beautiful sea of them in Vincennes.) And when I do find myself coveting something pink, that doesn’t mean anything at all about who I am as a person, because like yellow and purple and taupe, it’s just a colour.

Juste avant ma quatorzième anniversaire, un nouveau groupe d’amies a posé une simple question à ma meilleure amie : c’est quoi la couleur préférée de Cee . Elles voulaient m’offrir un cadeau sur ce thème, il paraît. Ma meilleure amie, qui évidemment ne me connaissait pas du tout (une histoire que je vous raconterai un jour) a répondu, “le rose.” Je me rappelle comment elle m’a recompté l’histoire par la suite devant nos camarades de classe, cherchant mon approbation. “J’ai dit que c’est le rose. C’est le rose, n’est-ce pas .” Je n’étais pas tout à fait certaine de ma couleur préférée à l’époque – mon amour pour le noir n’étant toujours pas pleinement développée – mais je savais très bien que si mes amies m’avaient posé la même question, la première réponse qui me serait venue à l’esprit n’aurait pas été, “le rose.” Et cependant, avec nos camarades de classe qui m’observaient, j’avais l’impression, comme seule une fille de presque quatorze ans peut avoir l’impression, que j’allais décevoir ma meilleure amie si je ne prétendais pas adorer le rose. Et je n’osais pas. Dès ce moment-là, j’étais la fille qui aimait le rose. Au lieu de simplement corriger l’erreur de ma meilleure amie, j’ai passé quatre ans à surcompenser pour mon indifférence envers cette couleur. Je portais des pantalons roses, des sacs à main rose et j’ai même exigé que mes parents posent une moquette rose dans ma chambre à coucher. À un moment donné, mon copain s’est tient ses cheveux rose ! Peu après la fin du lycée, j’ai renoncé à tout ce qui était rose, et, par la suite, à ma meilleure amie, aussi. À titre personnel, la couleur représentait pour moi l’idée de me rendre aux attentes des autres au lieu de m’affirmer. Une décennie, et plein de développement personnel, plus tard, je commence à réexaminer mes idées au sujet du rose. C’est vrai que ç’a n’a jamais été ma couleur préférée, mais ceci n’est pas à dire que je ne peux pas craquer pour une belle nuance rose pâle (ou que je ne peux pas traquer tous les cerisiers à proximité de Paris, chose que j’ai fait sans aucun gêne ces dernières semaines ; je dois un gros merci à Anastasia, qui m’a invité à faire un shooting sous ces très beaux cerisiers à Vincennes.) Et, si jamais j’ai envie de mettre du rose, je sais maintenant que ce désir n’a rien à voir avec mon identité, car, tout comme le jaune et le violet, le rose n’est qu’une couleur.

7 comments so far.

7 responses to “Sous les cerisiers”

  1. Damn, you and pink have a more complicated history than I ever could have imagined! I’ve always just rejected it because of its associations with stereotypical notions of femininity, etc (I still love a good blush tone though!).

    Courtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines

  2. With you, I’ve never been a big pink fan! But I’ll admit in the last few years… blush has been slowly it’s making it’s way into my heart! So much so, that I’m still dreaming of the perfect pink couch!! And I must say these photos have me swooning Cee, oh my, how incredible is Anastasia?!! Absolutely in love with this shoot + your beautiful / feminine outfit! Happy Monday pally!! xo

    http://www.girlandcloset.com

  3. lyddiegal says:

    It’s not hard to get pigeon-holed into liking something you don’t really like and then get stuck with it for years to come. While I went through my own pink phase, it pretty much ended with high school and my screaming pink bedroom walls became a soft blue. Now if you were to ask me my favorite color, I’d say white, but I have always had a passionate love of cherry blossoms and in recent days have been welcoming blush into my closet. Like you, seeking out the trees this time of year is my favorite thing to do, I never tire of their amazing blossoms, or outfit photos with them in the back ground.
    http://www.iamchiconthecheap.com/

  4. Liv says:

    Love the pleated skirt!

    Liv

    livforstyle.net

  5. Lisa says:

    These photos are so dreamy.

    Pink is definitely having a moment right now; I just bought a pink pair of Nike Air Max Theas recently.

  6. Lorena says:

    It happens, just a small word would have made all the difference… the question would also be, what was your favourite color then ?
    And indeed, a color should never define you..

  7. Cee, I love your PINK story! I never knew there were so many different shades of pink. Many do not suit me. Only a few! I just found that out a couple of years ago. LOL
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

Cee Fardoe is a thirty-something Canadian blogger who splits her time between Winnipeg and Paris. She is a voracious reader, avid tea-drinker, insatiable wanderer and fashion lover who prefers to dress in black, white and gray.

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