Looking Back…

Zara sweater (similar)
Zara denim shorts (similar)
Vintage Chanel pumps (similar)
Chanel handbag
RayBan sunglasses
Linjer rings (c/o) (similar)
Mejuri earrings (similar)
Location: Saint Mary’s Cathedral – Winnipeg, Manitoba

Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time looking back. This isn’t usual for me – I’m a planner, and I always have something exciting on the horizon, which keeps me focused on moving forward. That’s as true now as it ever is; we leave for Vancouver this Saturday, and for Athens in a month. But my mind continues to wander into the past. After more than a decade of looking, and moving, consistently ahead, it’s probably important to pause and reflect on, even to celebrate, how far I’ve come. That’s exactly what this specific set of photos makes me want to do.

I remember pretty vividly who I was in 2010 when I first launched Coco & Vera. It was a frustrating, chaotic period of my life when nothing seemed to be going according to plan in spite of my diligent efforts. I’d done all the things I was “supposed” to do, but none of it seemed have lead anywhere. Some days, none of it even seemed to matter. Looking back, I can clearly see how the frustration and chaos spilled over into my closet, which was full to bursting with colourful statement dresses and sky high heels that were next to impossible to walk in. I owned so many clothes, but I still had nothing to wear.

I craved a different kind of life, and a different style to match, but both felt beyond my reach. When I started a blog to document my outfits, I thought, at most, it would help me to focus on wearing things I really loved. In the short term, what it actually did was inspire me to buy even more impractical clothes. But as time went on, it also opened doors that I didn’t even realise I’d hoped I’d someday get to walk through. And eventually, it did help me hone in on a style that truly feels like my own, devoid of all kinds of things I thought I loved when I was an eager twenty-five-year-old trying to make her make on the world as quickly as possible. Sequins. Glitter. Shades of pink. They’re all long gone from my closet, never to return.

…I will, admittedly, make an occasional exception for a truly beautiful floral print. But those are rare.

This outfit is everything I wanted when I was twenty-five. I know, looking back, that in the period of my life, it wouldn’t have felt like enough. Dressing simply, embracing basics as a statement, was something I believed only other women, more beautiful and confident women, could really get away with. The rules were different for me. I was convinced of that.

In reality, there are no fashion rules except the ones we make for ourselves. These days, I have only one rule: if it doesn’t feel comfortable, I don’t wear it. That doesn’t mean sacrificing style or elegance for leggings (except, perhaps, during the work week, when I scramble to fit workouts in between meetings.) It means cultivating a wardrobe that is simple and effective. A wardrobe full of clothes that work together so I don’t have to waste effort on figuring out my outfits. When I was twenty-five, I probably had spare time to spend on outfit planning, but I definitely don’t now and frankly, most of the time, I’m glad. Life it too short to be spent pulling every sweater you own out of your sweater drawer on a daily basis, hoping to find something you know full well isn’t in there.

In that way, Coco & Vera served its intended purpose. It helped me to define my style, to build a wardrobe I treasure, and allowed me to document the process from start to… well, finish. There’s only one goal I made back then that I haven’t yet achieved: buying a new Chanel handbag at the Chanel store. Once I’ve ticked at off my bucket list, I’ll be able to officially say I’ve made it.

“If you don’t imagine, nothing ever happens at all.”
– John Green

I’m self-deprecating by nature. It’s mostly the parts of my twenty-five-year-old self that I’m not proud of, her frustrations rather than her triumphs, that I focus on. But looking back, I know she was brave. She was not easily satisfied. She dared to imagine there was more out there for her in life and style. And she went after it, in spite of criticism and raised eyebrows and some fairly open hostility. Nothing could deter her. It was her determination to live the life she dreamed of, and wear the clothes that sparked her sartorial imagination, that brought us here. The question for both of us, though is… now what?

If Coco & Vera has served its intended purpose, what happens next? The truth is, I don’t know just yet. But when I started on this path, my destination was clear, and these photos are the proof that I’ve arrived.

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